The Pilipino Axe-Cent

Disclaimer
The Filipinos I know speak much better English than I speak Tagalog, but that won't stop me from making another list.

Fs become Ps and Vs become Bs
By listening to enough conversation in Filipino, I started to pick up on the fact that Fs get converted to Ps ("fifty" to "pifty") and Vs often become Bs ("Biernes" instead of "Viernes"). This and other linguistic idiosyncrasies lay the foundation for frequent mispronunciation of English words. By the way, none of the following examples actually come from my wife, but she likes to read about herself so mentioning her again scores brownie points.

Examples
archie-teck - This person designs buildings. Pronounced phonetically here (which makes perfect sense).
choco-laite - Third syllable pronounced like late.
reee-leee? - Axe-cent on both syllables.
two porty pour - The number 244 called over the PA at Seafood City.
bri-yawn - Accent on yawn. I've heard my first name pronounced like this before.
pire place - Where logs are burnt and the letter F is forgotten.
creeteeseesum - The letter i becomes ee.
san jego - The di is pronounced as a j.
canajian - The di is pronounced as... you know.
calipornia - Most Filipinos do a better job of pronouncing my state's name than the sitting governor, who calls it cowlifornia.
hippopotamus - Americans put the accent on pot. I've heard it pronounced with the accent on tam.

Speaking of the Governator, my wife tells me that I sound like him when I try to speak Tagalog! Yikes.

Filipino Parties - A White Guy's Perspective

I've been to a few Filipino fetes and have some observations. Whatever the occasion (holiday, birthday party, memorial, boxing match), expect the following:

1) The dining room table isn't for dining - Typically the table is so loaded down with grub that guests have to retreat to an open seat, plate on lap.
2) Paper plates - I know Filipino families have real plates (brought out for formal occasions), but paper plates, plastic forks and knives and plastic cups are standard operating procedure.
3) TFC - It's on the TV, sound up or down, for the whole party. The only programming to supercede TFC is a Manny Pacquiao fight or item 4).
4) Magic Mic - Plug it into your TV and it's Karaoke in da house!
5) Thirsty for a soft drink? You don't have to make the long trek all the way to the fridge, because a two-liter bottle of your favorite tasty beverage is right there on the table! This is often the case with condiments as well.
6) Beer - The hosts are always handing me a can or bottle when I walk in the door. I guess they figure I'm just another binge-drinking white boy, or maybe they just feel sorry for me because I don't speak Tagalog and getting a buzz on must be the best way to pass the time. On more than one occasion, I've ended up drinking beer and watching TFC while my wife chats it up with her friends.
7) Food pushers - The same people plying me with beer are handing me a plate and telling me to "eat, eat." I suppose it'd be an insult to not partake, but I plan to NEVER make that mistake. Word to the wise, fast for a few hours before a Filipino party and bring Tupperware if you don't feel like leaving empty-handed.

There's more where that came from. Stay tuned for future updates.